Honesty
Always tell the truth even if you gotta lie to do it.
If they don't believe you, give them your word as a "shopper".

Appearance
Be neat at all times. Try not to wear the same shirt more than one week.
Try to match sock color and be sure the right sneaker
is the same color as the left one.
A haircut twice a year and a shave once a year is a must.

General Attitude
Always treat the client with a smile and a sunny disposition.
When you work - look worried and appear to go like hell!
Use your calculator a lot.

Be a Patsy
Always take the blame for missed due dates and other mistakes.
Remember we are professional scapegoats...
and are paid to cover for the captives.

Be Punctual
Tardiness will get you out on your ass every time.
If for some unavoidable reason you must be late,
be sure to make up for it by leaving early.

Drinking
Never get caught.
(The holding tank in the commode makes an excellent place
to hide your bottle as well as chilling it.)

Lending
Never borrow money from the captives except in extreme emergencies:
i.e. if you are dry and the local saloon won't honor your American Express.
(On Open a checking account with a local bank.)
Many times before a check will bounce you can be two jobs down the road.

Socializing
In the event one of the girls in the department becomes pregnant,
do the decent thing and leave town.
Leave a forwarding address 180 degrees from where you're headed.
Don't leave a mess unless there's another shopper around to clean it up!

Generosity
Once a week bring a pizza back for lunch.
This solidifies you with the whole department,
as well as gets your nose up the bosses...

Be Respectful
If they should offer you a permanent position, decline gently by telling them
"You don't want to live like a rag-picker the rest of your life".
If they make you an offer, explain that you couldn't afford
to back your car out of the driveway for that much.

Termination
Always give reasonable notice. A heartbeat is usually sufficient.